Christmas is coming, the days are growing long (and short!)

I love Christmas! I love it so much time begins to slow down as December goes on.
It seems like the closer it gets to Christmas, the more I have to do every day! Today, I:
got up,
showered,
got to school late,
went to school (it was an early out),
had choir practice at lunch for Missa Luba,
went to work to make sterile toothpicks but found Amer had already done them,
came back to the school for a voice lesson, went home and ate lunch (and did the Teleport-Altep quest in FFXI [hooray! WHM 38!]),
went back to work,
went to an A.P. Calc study session (we have a test over all derivatives thus far tomorrow... we were confused over logarithmic differentiation and derivatives of arc-trig functions),
hurried to make a donation for our classes' food drive (we MUST win!),
went to choir practice,
talked with Sarah,
came home, and
updated my blog. Whew! Busy day for me. Yeah, I know, I'm pathetic.

Now to talk about my personal development. Flashback!

Am I as much of a hypocrite as I think I am? Do I really say hypothetically that I think a certain way but act another? It bugs me... I hate it when I have those hypothetical moral discussions then I see myself going against what I've said... is it that I lack self control or that I'm inconsistent in what I believe? I don't think it's inconsistency, so it must be that when I get excited moral values get thrown out the window (that sounded bad... I meant nothing of the sort). I don't want to not allow emotions to come into play... so should I ignore the problems, reduce the emotion, or reduce the response? The response is the most logical option. So... how to make myself stay grounded when I'm excited?

I think prayer would definitely help... and a generous helping of Buddhist mindfulness couldn't hurt either. Perhaps it's a lack of an established identity. I know who I am and I think I'm transmitting it, but perhaps I'm not. Or perhaps I'm incorrect in assuming that I know who I am. I will begin re-evaluations, of course, especially in social cases, where the most ambiguity of personality lies. I'll especially analyze how I deal with people when I'm making music, when I'm happy, sad, excited, or just emotional. I don't get emotional often, so this might take a while.

-start sequence.
Sequence initiated!

But don't step back too far or you'll alienate yourself from the people who have begun to draw you closer into their circles as they discover you're not the ass you used to be. Okay, I won't.

Now for the music dilemma...

Okay... I hate acting and singing at the same time. Emotion doesn't naturally come through on my face when I'm around people I don't know (I don't know why) so it's difficult for me to act, but when I'm singing and trying to remember the words and not totally botch things, acting just seems... like a falsehood. If I like the song I don't have a problem acting because my mind considers it a worthy endeavor. Is it, then, that when I don't like the song my mind doesn't consider learning and singing the song to be worthwhile? Surely every piece of music has lessons to teach. God bless Alison, my teacher... I had no idea I was so hard on her, so I'll have to not be so stubborn, but I can't allow myself to be pushed some way I don't want to go. I'm sure the recital will be fine. I'll probably memorize the music next Tuesday night, since the recital is Wednesday.

Anyway, yeah. That's my issue with acting. I'd better do my B-day homework now. Wish me luck on my A.P. Calc test!